If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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