I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
