I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
