She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
