I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
