Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize