Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm both gender and math confused
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
