I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
