Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
