I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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