just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
