AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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