She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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