As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
