well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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