My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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