Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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