dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
