Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
