just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
