you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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