if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
