i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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