Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
