Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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