I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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