What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
