I just gift wrapped bread.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
