fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
stop calling my apartment porn island.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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