i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
