Betty ford says i'm here all night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
