Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
