How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
