Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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