If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
