Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
