Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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