Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
