Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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