it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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