You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
