Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
