i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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