to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The air was thick with penises
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
