just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
