I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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