God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
