Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
