P.S. I can't hear my feet
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
