my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
