girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
