my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
