Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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