tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think my moral compass just broke
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