you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
