We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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