We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
