That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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