I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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