Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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