When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
