Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
