I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
