The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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