you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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