I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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