Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
