Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
