Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
