I heard we made out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
