You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
