all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
