Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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