I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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