i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
