My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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