did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
