so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i believe in u and ur pee
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
