If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
