I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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